The Orange Order

So England aren't at Euro 2008. This might sound a little heartless, but "boo-bloody-hoo."

Okay, maybe that was more childish than heartless, but my point is at least anyone who's English has had the chance to watch their team grace a major tournament. I've never once had that. So go on, spare me a thought. Please...

You see, I'm Welsh, so this summer is no different to any other even-numbered year. We're not there. In fact, usually we don't even get close. Just two or three games into qualifying, any realistic hopes of making the Finals disappear, as we capitulate to a former Soviet state in a "must-win" match. It doesn't seem to matter which "stan" it is, they're always a proverbial banana skin for us. For a short while afterwards we're able to console ourselves with the fact that "mathematically, we could still qualify." However, this dream usually involves an unlikely away-win for Lichenstein against the Azzuri - with a result of say, 0-7....

So how do you cope when your team is not in it? Well, bitterness and resentment make for a good start. Focus on a pretty appalling team - take France for instance - and wonder how the hell they got there, while you didn't. Start to enjoy their every mistake and misfortune. You'll soon find you feel much happier....you'll even start to enjoy some of the great football other teams are playing.

Take the Netherlands. There can't be a true football fan who hasn't been won over by the Dutch. They've just been sublime. God, I've even warmed to Van Nistelrooy.

What's best about their winning streak is that while they beat France 4-1 and Italy 3-0, an understrength Wales only lost 2-0 to Holland a few weeks ago. A sure sign that we're in a better state than the World Cup finalists! You know what, I think we could just make the 2010 World Cup. Seriously.

Oh, hang on a minute. First up, September 6th, Azerbaijan...